"I'm sorry," Erik answers, low and soothing. "The pain will always be there. But that love you feel will dull it, make it so that you can carry on without being cut by the edges every day. You will find it grows easier when shared. You are not alone. And when the time is right for you both, you will remember that. You don't have to hide yourself away from her. Just as you accept her for all that she is, so will she accept you. The trust you share is mutual and true. No matter how much this hurts now, you will be all right."
Despite the pain, despite his closed eyes, César can't help but smile. "She already has, Erik. I'm slowly telling her everything, and she's opening up to me. We're not hiding from each other anymore. We fixed that after the potluck."
César's seen the scar she thinks is ugly around her waist that signifies how she died that she's shown no one else. Magne's heard about the control collars and EVO enslavement that canceled their genocide under Black Knight's orders. He knows she's been through hell and committed crimes that put her in jail. She knows about his eccentricities and tendency to overwork.
"My heart is already fully open." Holding both love and pain simultaneously in his heart in this moment; indeed, the pain is bearable, and he opens his eyes to look to Erik. "Magne has full access to my very being, and she wants to hear anything I'll tell her in my own time. And I've held her heart in my hands tenderly when she's needed me. We value each other's trust more than all the gold in the multiverse. She loves how her strength is a source of safety and security for me, and that I don't fear her in the slightest. That part, I don't need help with. Moving forward, yes. Working out my issues regarding sex, yes. But the love and trust part... we're already in the graduate level courses."
Edited ( Even mushier lmao and also I fixed some wording) 2024-04-10 16:56 (UTC)
"That is very good. All of that. It gives me full confidence that you both are right for one another. Let me ask you, then, what do you fear will happen when you try to have sex together? What is the worst case scenario you could envision in that moment? You do not need to say it aloud to me, but I recommend you tell it to her. She cannot help prevent it if she does not know."
Neither of them need Erik's approval, but it does help to hear they're right for each other. César doesn't think he believes in soulmates, but he's so compatible with Magne that he wonders. The comfort just thinking about her brings him means he can hold that pain of revelation while answering.
"Thinking through these things is why I'm here--so it can be easier for me to tell her because I've had a sounding board for my initial thoughts and feelings." César pulls his tea bag out and sets it aside on the saucer, thinking. "There's relatively few worst case scenarios. She knows I'm inexperienced and will avoid overstimulating me. I'm just such a huge source of support and affirmation that the idea of accidentally making her dysphoric when it could be avoided makes me feel sick to my stomach. And I can't research anything here. But it feels wrong to ask her to teach me everything, even with that?"
César leans back and grabs his teaspoon to turn around in his hand as he watches it, less to avoid eye contact and more to give his brain space to think. "Honestly... it feels like sex is too high stakes to start? I'd rather take baths or showers together. Learn each other's bodies, what she calls her parts, and what feels pleasurable to each of us. Memorize her heartbeat. No expectations of getting off or anything. Just... being together, like we've always done. ... ... is that something we can do?"
Edited (Made it even more sappy) 2024-04-16 19:29 (UTC)
Erik says nothing but he holds his hand out in a welcoming gesture, prompting César to go on as he feels comfortable.
"I do understand the point you are making. But allow me to counter it for you. Though her circumstances, and yours, come with many layers of emotional challenges you have both faced, one fact is true no matter what shape a romantic relationship takes. Lovers must teach each other about their wants and need. Has she not had to ask you just as many questions? Pay you just as much care? She seems like an incredibly capable and intelligent woman to me. I believe she will be smart enough to know that any misstep you take is an honest mistake. She doesn't strike me as so fragile that she could not forgive that. No one gets it right all the time, you know. Not even me." He sighs, thinking back on the stumbles he's taken with both River and Chris. No, especially not him.
But now the sign turns into a good-natured laugh. He rushes to say, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm not laughing at you. It just strikes me as so charming that you have to ask. Of course, César. Doing those bonding activities would solve a great deal of your worries. It would give you both time to know one another and yourselves. There's no need to jump directly to sex. There's no rule that states you must in order for your love to be real. You do know that, don't you?"
César starts laughing after a moment of thought, too, and he can't hold onto the grief anymore. It slides away.
"I know, I know, but I am!" Laughing at himself. "I do know there's no rule. You see why I need a sounding board to get my thoughts out of my own head so they stop twisting around themselves? Things are often so much simpler than I tend to make them."
He looks back down at the spoon. "... Magne's an amazing woman. You're right. ... ... ..." Another soft laugh. "She's going to find the naked bonding idea cute."
"You are a chronic overthinker, yes. I can see that very clearly," Erik chuckles.
It's good to see César able to laugh at himself as such. Humor is a balm in these situations.
"Yes, I'm sure she will. I have no doubt you will both be sickeningly cute with each other the entire time, as nature intended." They're going to be just fine.
"Everyone can." César jokes. "Magne's helping me get better not overthinking other things. And I'm motivated to get better, not just for her sake but for mine. And it's a good thing Magne likes cute things, eh?"
As César chuckles at himself, he finally takes a sip of his tea, which is finally cool enough to drink. "Oh, this is excellent. And, yes, I feel better. Sometimes you just need to talk to another man about some things. ... ... ... is there anything else you can think of, that I might need to work through?"
"She does." César processes the star a moment later and then lets out a bashful, warm laugh. "... Okay, okay, you're right."
He nods along. "It does feel like a good stopping point. And this tea is just the right temperature. It'd be a shame if I forgot about it and let it become cold."
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lordoftheozarks) wrote2023-06-13 08:20 pm
no subject
no subject
César's seen the scar she thinks is ugly around her waist that signifies how she died that she's shown no one else. Magne's heard about the control collars and EVO enslavement that canceled their genocide under Black Knight's orders. He knows she's been through hell and committed crimes that put her in jail. She knows about his eccentricities and tendency to overwork.
"My heart is already fully open." Holding both love and pain simultaneously in his heart in this moment; indeed, the pain is bearable, and he opens his eyes to look to Erik. "Magne has full access to my very being, and she wants to hear anything I'll tell her in my own time. And I've held her heart in my hands tenderly when she's needed me. We value each other's trust more than all the gold in the multiverse. She loves how her strength is a source of safety and security for me, and that I don't fear her in the slightest. That part, I don't need help with. Moving forward, yes. Working out my issues regarding sex, yes. But the love and trust part... we're already in the graduate level courses."
no subject
gender dysphoria mention
"Thinking through these things is why I'm here--so it can be easier for me to tell her because I've had a sounding board for my initial thoughts and feelings." César pulls his tea bag out and sets it aside on the saucer, thinking. "There's relatively few worst case scenarios. She knows I'm inexperienced and will avoid overstimulating me. I'm just such a huge source of support and affirmation that the idea of accidentally making her dysphoric when it could be avoided makes me feel sick to my stomach. And I can't research anything here. But it feels wrong to ask her to teach me everything, even with that?"
César leans back and grabs his teaspoon to turn around in his hand as he watches it, less to avoid eye contact and more to give his brain space to think. "Honestly... it feels like sex is too high stakes to start? I'd rather take baths or showers together. Learn each other's bodies, what she calls her parts, and what feels pleasurable to each of us. Memorize her heartbeat. No expectations of getting off or anything. Just... being together, like we've always done. ... ... is that something we can do?"
Re: gender dysphoria mention
"I do understand the point you are making. But allow me to counter it for you. Though her circumstances, and yours, come with many layers of emotional challenges you have both faced, one fact is true no matter what shape a romantic relationship takes. Lovers must teach each other about their wants and need. Has she not had to ask you just as many questions? Pay you just as much care? She seems like an incredibly capable and intelligent woman to me. I believe she will be smart enough to know that any misstep you take is an honest mistake. She doesn't strike me as so fragile that she could not forgive that. No one gets it right all the time, you know. Not even me." He sighs, thinking back on the stumbles he's taken with both River and Chris. No, especially not him.
But now the sign turns into a good-natured laugh. He rushes to say, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm not laughing at you. It just strikes me as so charming that you have to ask. Of course, César. Doing those bonding activities would solve a great deal of your worries. It would give you both time to know one another and yourselves. There's no need to jump directly to sex. There's no rule that states you must in order for your love to be real. You do know that, don't you?"
no subject
"I know, I know, but I am!" Laughing at himself. "I do know there's no rule. You see why I need a sounding board to get my thoughts out of my own head so they stop twisting around themselves? Things are often so much simpler than I tend to make them."
He looks back down at the spoon. "... Magne's an amazing woman. You're right. ... ... ..." Another soft laugh. "She's going to find the naked bonding idea cute."
no subject
It's good to see César able to laugh at himself as such. Humor is a balm in these situations.
"Yes, I'm sure she will. I have no doubt you will both be sickeningly cute with each other the entire time, as nature intended." They're going to be just fine.
"Are you feeling better?"
no subject
As César chuckles at himself, he finally takes a sip of his tea, which is finally cool enough to drink. "Oh, this is excellent. And, yes, I feel better. Sometimes you just need to talk to another man about some things. ... ... ... is there anything else you can think of, that I might need to work through?"
Looks like a good place to wrap
"I think we've covered a lot of ground already. Any more and it may become too difficult to process." He's given you plenty to overthink about.
"I suggest that you sit and finish your tea while we chat about something lighter as a palate cleanser."
Yes, a good wrapping spot!
He nods along. "It does feel like a good stopping point. And this tea is just the right temperature. It'd be a shame if I forgot about it and let it become cold."